my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
