she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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