god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
