He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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