I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you would pick up someone in the library
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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