i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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