I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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