Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
