those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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