the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
