You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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