Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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