he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
