i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
