it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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