you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
