I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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