thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
