I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Couch. On fire.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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