So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
