I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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