How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just sucked dick on a ferry
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
