i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
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Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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