wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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