all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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