Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
