ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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