just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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