Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
