i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
