she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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