I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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