There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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