Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
