dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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