I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
