I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
