I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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