after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
