I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize