It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize