So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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