My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
