im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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