One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
