Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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