I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize