Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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