Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
