my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
