I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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