the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We need to get me chipped asap
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
