I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
