I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
