You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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