normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
