Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
