Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
