Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
