What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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