This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
