i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
