forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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