yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
