it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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