i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
