I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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