uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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