i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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