I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
