Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
