Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
