Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
