i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
