I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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