I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
