I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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