We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
