So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
