I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
