He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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