So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
